How to Succeed Trying Again to Make Your Relationship Work
Many couples go through struggles, fights, problems, issues and almost get to the brink of a break-up or divorce. Yet they love each other, are attached to each other, or are not ready to give up on what may be true love. This is a good thing – it’s good to keep trying to make love work.
But how do you get the “trying again” right and how do you survive the in-between time, when the relationship is not yet working exactly as both of you would like?
Here are the steps and activities the couple must engage in for the “trying again” to be successful. You will also find the actions each person should take by him/herself to survive while the relationship is being repaired.
Do this for the “trying again” to work:
1. Figure out what went wrong in your relationship. For this to work both of you must honestly look at what you did to get your relationship to its current state. It’s better that each of you try to take more of the blame rather than less of the blame. All defensiveness must be set aside, all excuses thrown out the window, so you can look honestly at what happened.
2. Get to work on yourselves. Work on those issues and personality traits which got you and your relationship into trouble. Work on these issues wholeheartedly, because if you don’t you will lose the relationship. Do everything in your power to turn your issues around. Read all the helpful books you can get your hands on. Take courses and ecourses. Get yourself a coach or therapist. Take significant action daily to show each other you care and value each other and your relationship. This is one of the most critical steps you can take to succeed in “trying again.”
3. Deal with the pain the two of you have caused each other. When ready, each of you will have to talk about the pain caused by the other, with that person listening intently and taking it in. You both will need to share the pain, listen to each other and find a way to truly forgive and start anew.
4. Talk to each other. Make sure you communicate clearly with each other about what you want and expect in the relationship. Next, make sure that you both know what each one of you is agreeing to achieve. Talk about your feelings and experiences. Share with each other what you are discovering in your personal work. And sometimes just talk about the weather or what’s going on your life. Use communication to connect.
But do not only communicate and do nothing else – this is where most couples who are “trying again” get into trouble. They reconnect, but do not make changes to support the connection and eventually destroy the relationship by the same actions which got them into trouble in the first place.
5. Create joyful moments together, even if they start out small. Spend snippets of time together, just being close. At the same time, do not throw yourself back into the thick of the relationship until the hard personal work has been done by both of you. You do not want to risk the fragile nature of a “trying again” relationship by overwhelming it with untransformed issues.
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