How to survive the “trying again” sanely:
1. Get daily support.
Help on a daily basis is priceless. Nothing keeps you moving towards what your heart wants like daily inspiration. Get daily inspiration, comfort, insight, encouragement, love, support and wisdom so that you can remember to think positive thoughts and maintain a positive attitude. Feed yourself with positive encouragement so that you can have more resources and patience during this period.
2. Face your greatest fears about the relationship:
·Face your greatest fear about the relationship
·Face your greatest wants and desires for the relationship
·Face the feelings of possibly not having what you want
·Face the feelings of losing the relationship
·Face your fear of disappointment and heartache
In facing your fears, you will confront those worst-possible scenarios which, when they are not faced, make it hard to be in the in-between time of waiting for the relationship to work. Facing the possibilities you fear will give you power and peace.
3. Come up with a strategy of what you will do if you greatest fears come true. Put the strategy down on paper and brainstorm or research real-world solutions and steps to take in case your relationship does not work out as planned. Having this strategy will give you your power back, and help you realize that you will be fine either way. Give yourself the comfort of knowing that, regardless of the situation, you will still be able to take care of yourself and your life.
4. Practice a spiritual discipline such as meditation, prayer, communing with nature, sitting quietly, going to church, etc. What you seek is training in how to be with what IS. Spiritual discipline can teach you how to accept the now when it’s not what you want and not what you hoped for and not what you would choose for yourself. Learning to be with what IS will teach you how to have peace in any circumstance.
5. Work on gratitude. So often when important situations in life are not going as we want, we tend to “throw out the baby with the bath water.” We discount or ignore the other things that are going well. Gratitude for those things that are going well will help you feel better and have more patience and resilience for the “trying again” in your relationship. A practice of making or reviewing a gratitude list each day can make a big difference in the level of happiness and well-being you experience.
6. Keep to a healthy routine and take care of yourself well. Go for walks. Go to sleep early. Meditate. Drink plenty of water. Get support. Do activities that bring you joy. Eat good food. Do things you like doing. The more you take care of yourself, the more resilience you can bring to your relationship situation and the more patient you will be in the “trying again” process.
7. Do your personal work. Dig into your personality and your issues. Look at what brought you to this point in your relationship. Forget about your partner for the moment and look at why you are here, what you are trying to work out, what part of your personality gets something out of the situation. Work with a coach or a counselor, read books, or take workshops to help yourself grow.
8. Go deeper into your career, your work, your family or your volunteer activities. While you and your partner are trying to work things out, and you don’t yet know where the relationship will end up, dig into other meaningful areas of your life. Give time and effort to those parts of your life that bring rich returns, but that you don’t normally have time to attend to.
9. Allow happiness. So often when major situations are not working as we wish them to be, we feel guilty for having happiness in other areas of life. It is as if there we have to be loyal to the unhappiness. Give yourself permission to be happy and to laugh. Give yourself moments of happiness by doing those things that give you the opportunity to be happy.
So how do you make this “trying again” the last time you have to try again and the beginning of something truly wonderful and magical between the two of you?
Don’t just get together and hope that this time it will magically work out. Put in time and effort and grow both of yourselves and the relationship. Be patient with each other and commit yourselves to personal growth. Only then will your effort of “trying again” reap the rewards of a lasting, deep, fulfilling relationship.
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